2/29/08

i woke up to the sound of indecisive footsteps echoing through the roof into my room.
sat up on my bed, and felt it unusual.
Outside the birds were no longer welcoming my presence. This time they just sat in the tree and stared. I stared back; there was no understanding. I felt their greedy eyes on my back as i made my way back in.
The route to school, or labor camp as i have recently named it, was the same. The only difference was the traffic lights, as did the birds, glared at me, this time they were trying to tell me something. It usually isn't by chance that all of them are red on the way to school. I then became upset towards them, for they were the reason i was behind schedule. The day played on as any usual Thursday does. I felt distant though today, not towards anyone, but life in itself. I sat there during theory, one which I already had taken upon myself to learn. It painstakingly laughed at me for the whole 45 minutes. Who knew the hair removal chapter would be such a perfidious character. Well after the misery had passed, I sat there wanting to think deeply, but couldn't get myself to do it. Thinking comes easily i thought, but this time, it was either sleeping or on break. I was a zombie at that point. Alive, but no inclination to do anything, no desire...not even for blood(a joke for those not able minded). Everyone who talked to me, i could hear them, but it made no sense, my mind wasn't even trying to understand what they said. Then I started to laugh quietly, because all i saw were mouths moving, but nothing could be made of the sounds.
Lunch time was another blur, more so because at this point, i had given up on trying to make sense of the day. Outside the sun beat down, but seemed to cast a shadow over me. The clouds hovered over me like a group of new freshmen hovering a map of the school on their first day. If i paid them no mind, they would go away. They eventually did...I did nothing to entertain them. After school, went straight to work...usually i find solace there, but lately some days I've felt more and more like bacteria under a microscope. Everything I do is watched. When I walk, where I walk to. I have a method to my madness, and theres no figuring it out. Heck if I haven't figured it out, I don't think someone else could. But i kept it cool. I sat outside for a bit, and the climate wasn't merciful. The sun gave you that false sense of security, but when you walked outside, you realized that warm sun is far away. I sat there to take a breath, and everyone that walked by, did just that walked by. Some looked for a split second, others busy on their phone talking about how they don't have enough money to pay for a babysitter because they had to buy their boyfriend a sound system for his car. Through process of today's generation is a frightful one. As I left work, the comfort of heat and a familiar face welcomed me. The ride home was short, but then again it seems the good times don't last that long lately. Got dressed and went to the meeting. Opened the door and was tackled by allergies. I couldn't get comfortable, I felt like i was dying at one point. I couldn't breathe, and started to become irritated. I got up and the feeling left.
Sometimes it's not easy to keep your head up. People say it,but its easier said than done. I believe that we can change our moods, and attitude and outcomes of situations. But I also believe that you can do that when your mind helps you to. Today, my mind had taken a leave of absence.
I should of known from the minute I woke up. The birds were telling me, and so were the glaring red lights.